accept myself then i can change

Over the past few days I noticed something new.  Today I was driving around Portland after my posing class with no true agenda or place to go.  Cruising along with the windows down and no radio on. (another change that has happened…more silence) Then it hit me.  Here I am in Oregon.  I have not been here before and really don’t know where I am, but at the same time I feel extremely comfortable.  This is new.  Typically if I was on a trip where I was on my own I would be a bit nervous or feel as if I needed to ask a lot of questions of where I should go or what I should do.  Not this time.  I of course am not alone all of the time.  My coach Mouss and his wife, Claire are amazing. I’ll have to come back to a story about that later.

journey tap into talents

This amazing journey has been a time of true growth. My main purpose for my trip was to prepare myself for my next show to complete creating my Pro physique.  Part of that journey is mind set.  Actually that is probably more of the journey than creating the physical portion of it.  Without your thoughts coming from a healthy space then the outcome can only be so good.  While I know I am a good person and that I will always be a giving, loving, caring person, that doesn’t mean that I was in full belief of my capabilities.  I am hard on myself.  That is partially good as it keeps me in the space of continuing to improve, but it can lead to the negative side by thinking you haven’t done enough or that you are not ready.  This past couple of months I have really been diving in on the mental side of things.  Asking questions of myself of why I feel a certain way or what causes those doubts or thoughts to happen?  Was it a trigger from another person?  Did a mood pop up out of nowhere?  Then go further to see if I can look at it from a different perspective.  Am I comparing myself to others?  Why am I doing this?  All this of course I’ve been working on with my Life Coach.  As well as good advice from my Contest Prep Coach.

dont wait be proud

Acceptance is a funny thing.  You think you accept yourself fully until you realize that’s not quite the case.  The comparison thing is really where self acceptance comes in.  Of course my sport is mostly about how your body looks, so you tend to look at others and size yourself up.  Well, that’s not all its about.  While one person may have the physique of a goddess they may not know how to pose or they could have terrible stage presence.  Plus all that matters is where I am at and how I look.  Am I better than I’ve looked before?  Have I put everything possible into what I am doing?  Also remembering to take the time to take in valid compliments and assessments. Such as; in my group posing classes there were a couple of Figure Pro’s.  They asked me if I was doing the same show as them…because they thought I was a Pro.  That is HUGE.  That is not BS.  Then when a Head NPC Judge tells you that you have an amazing physique…LISTEN to that and HEAR it.  These things are easy to hear and of course feel good, but do you believe this yourself?  Do you listen to this?  Because I am so hard on myself in the past I would just hear it say thank you and not take it in.  These days I am much more aware.  These kind of people are not handing out compliments to just anyone.  Take note..hear it…and put that in your confidence bank.

The mind, body, and soul are integral in being truly at peace and happy.

nutrition facts of self

Getting back to how my stay with my coach as been.  I am so thrilled that I had the opportunity to stay with Mouss, Claire, and their Weimaraner Joyce.  I already knew that my coach was an amazing guy and really cared about my program and me as a person, but I didn’t know just how incredible he and is wife were.  They welcomed me with open arms and let their home be mine to share.  Not only are they wonderful hosts, but they are two of the most genuine and generous people I have ever met.  Their relationship inspires me.  I will never forget when Mouss told me one night that I am family.  Not considered family…I am family.  That really touched my heart and I felt very loved.


We’ve had many discussions about having heart in our sport and in life.  I am so inspired by him and all the obstacles he has gone through in his life.  He comes from the heart in all he does.  He is not a coach for everyone.  His style is blunt and very strict.   This is exactly what I wanted.  He also believes that this is a true lifestyle.  While he is strict he also likes to gradually lean you out.  So I am not doing 2 + hours of cardio per day.  I am now just under 2 weeks out and am doing 20 minutes fasted cardio and then 20 minutes after my workout.  I am not dragging my heels hating life.  Sure I’m a bit tired but fully functional and loving it.  So when I go to do my 20 min of cardio.  I go at it hard.  Even after leg day.  I know the alternative and I make every step count.

I am so proud to work with him and really work hard to show him that I respect him and what he does.  Of course I want this for me, but I also want to win for him.  Working with him has changed my life in many ways. His wife is also amazing in her level of support for both his work and for my progress.  Always interested in what exact workout I did and how I’m looking.  She is pregnant with twins and due soon.  She is another go getter and is still working in the yard and making things happen everyday. My time here with them has been priceless.  Gaining true friendships and developing a family type relationship has filled my heart with joy.  I am a very lucky girl.

mindful acceptance love

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