It is so interesting how you can be so motivated to work on something and are pushing for it daily.  Making conscious decisions about all you do.  You start being aware.  Aware of what you say, what you do, and who you are in each moment.  I’ve been putting myself to work.  There’s much more to it than just completing my workouts and following my strict diet.  The other side of this task is the journey within.  The journey within consists of many different paths and detours.

There is a variety of things that I am diving into on this journey.  One path is the journey to earn my Professional Athlete status.  Many people do not understand how much of a mental game this is.  There is the constricting of food, the endless workouts, the pushing back the rest of the world and opinions of what you are doing, tempting food, injuries, working with body dismorphia, and so much more.  This path is obvious that I am working on as my competition is now 6 weeks out.  One of the other paths is to really dive down and dig into the core of who I am.  What does that even mean?  It’s not the easiest to explain except really getting to know yourself.  Get to know your fears and what is creating those fears and how you can work with them.  Trust and belief in your self.  Do you second guess your decisions?  Do you find yourself leaning on others to make decisions for you because you are afraid you’ll make the wrong decision?  I’ve been putting in the work.   Working with some extraordinary people to
“see” things differently.

Here is where the work, work, work, SLAP comes in.  So I’m reading, meditating, writing, listening to self talk and really working on being present with all of this.  I’m driving down the street on my way home.  I’m creating some kind of checklist in my head about what I should write about in this new blog.  As I talk to myself, got to write about fears, physical set backs, and how I believe in myself.  Wait what?  I believe in myself?  Wow…I believe in myself.  Here is the SLAP.  I have been digging deep and one of the things I’ve been working on is trusting and believing in myself.  (I am not talking about the day to day stuff, but when it comes down to it and that doubt creeps in….that kind of believe in yourself.  )  My eyes start to water and I feel this building up of emotion.  Good emotions like joy, happiness, and a sense of feeling grounded.  It caught me by surprise.  A moment like this is not one I take lightly.  It really hit me.  This was new.  This was exciting.  I am making things happen.  The work is paying off.

These are exactly the kinds of things I am wanting when I walk on stage.  How you feel about yourself portrays in your body language.  While I love to rock it on stage and always am proud of what I accomplished, there has always been this little voice saying I don’t know about this.  I feel that the work I have done is creating a very different sense of self.  A space I have wanted to be in for a long time but wasn’t sure how to get there.  I didn’t have the map.  My way of seeing was impaired by things I have taken on from others.  Others points of views and opinions somehow became my reality, when it wasn’t like that at all.

The work continues daily and will continue because life is a bit of work if you really want to experience it.  Here I go off to get in some more work….mind, body, and soul.